My Confession

As I sit on the back deck and watch my dog dig up the grass that i spent hours planting last week, I can't help but think that I would have drop kicked one of my dogs had they misbehaved that badly growing up.  Now all I can think about is how cute she looks as she destroys my hard work.  Does my dog have some kind of magical powers that allow her to manipulate me, or is it true what all the single men in the world have been saying for centuries?

Marriage makes you soft.

At first glance I cant help but believe they are right.  I have a puppy that I enjoy playing with and refuse to beat mercilessly, I lose bets and have to become a vegetarian for days at a time.. and I'm starting not to mind it, I find myself glancing up more often at shows about married couples that have 20 kids (I will not succumb to the wedding dress shows, those are just pathetic), and I am less confused than I used to be when my wife brings me home new clothes that I wasn't expecting.

The thought even crossed my mind that my hypothetical kids would enjoy Mule Day down in Columbia.  Lia loves to spend time with her own kind!

What has happened to the callous Sean that liked to watch movies where people got blown to bits and then discuss how unrealistic deaths were in movies as compared to actual war footage?  Or the Sean that would hunt Bull Frogs at night with a flashlight and a pellet gun?

I'll tell you what: that Sean is still alive and well.  Although my tolerance for gore has definitely diminished since college, I still enjoy watching violence on a large TV.  I also still enjoy shooting guns... but now I feel the need to say "safely" shooting guns at "non-human" targets.  I also think that I could win a beef jerky eating contest and I still believe that when you need them to, a good dog should be willing to bite someone for you.  I would also gladly take on any challengers for any sport.  I would be happy to play a game of football with anyone of any size, and I am incredibly happy when I am sweating like crazy on a Saturday afternoon while digging old fence posts out of the ground with a spade.  I haven't really lost my edge as a guy at all.. so what is going on?

P.S. - Here is our backyard right now.  I am very proud of it.  If I don't post a follow up picture in about a month, that pride has turned to shame.

I think I've finally come to the truth of the matter.  Marriage doesn't make you soft, it just makes you well rounded.  Now before everyone gets to hollerin' and flinging feces at me, please let me explain myself.  I am no less of a man than I was when I first met my wife.  You can ask anyone who knows me, I have a detailed zombie/apocalypse survival plan, I watch too many sports and violent TV shows, I love to go sleep in a "cabin" without water or electricity, and I still do all the things I did before I got married.  I am actually playing the best golf of my life and my scotch collection is in a great place.

The difference between me and the average single guy that frequents bars on Tuesday nights is that I have branched out beyond the stereotypical male knowledge base and skill set.  I know how to hold a baby and I know that desperate housewives is on Sunday nights.  That doesn't mean I have to ask to hold people's babies or watch that show, but it doesn't make me any less cool to know those things.

I also think that my dog is incredibly cute at this stage in her life.  Just replace the word cute with something cooler, let's say... awesome.  If you don't think that my dog is awesome, then you clearly haven't met her.

Vegetables are still gross and will always be, but you can always justify being healthy by saying it is a man's duty to be there for his family and protect them, and I can't do either of those things if I'm 500 pounds or dead.

Now that I have completely rationalized this weird situation that my life has transformed into,  it is time to get to my honey-do list for the day.  Hopefully I can get done before the Grey's Anatomy marathon this afternoon!!!